just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
