How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize