This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
