you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
