Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He felt like a one man threesome
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
