Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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