why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
