I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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