The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize