Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
