The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
