He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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