Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize