oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
