I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
