you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
