Already got asked if we're dating
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
