Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
