You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
