Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
honey bunches of taint.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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