Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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