get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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