Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
