laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
