i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
