I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
