I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
