There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My balls are so social today.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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