I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
