ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
