I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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