she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
