i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
