There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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