Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize