he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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