If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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