It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize