please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
