you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
