my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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