I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
