why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
