Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
