is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
