i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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