so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
