You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You ruined the universe
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize