Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
