I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
