i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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