you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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