So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
