FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
