The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
