This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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