then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
