I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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