I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
