your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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