dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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