I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
