if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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