it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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