remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
