we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
