Your dad touched me again.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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