a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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