I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
