Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
