There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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