I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
