420 ftw
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
