I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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