margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
