your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
