Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
