please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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