Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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