Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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