I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
