You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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