I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
