This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
