God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
