Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
