I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
