I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
