i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize