So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
