so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize