My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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