Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
