you turned your livingroom into a bong?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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