You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My cat gives me a boner
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize