he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
