I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
