I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
