If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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