dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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