ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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