this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
