she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
