if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
