i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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