we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
