Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
