she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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