I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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