Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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