I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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