When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
