drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
