we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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