been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize