Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
